Hey You, She’s Not Better Than You!
Hey You, She’s Not Better Than You!

Hey You, She’s Not Better Than You!

comparing-ourselvesI have been wanting to write this for a long time, long before this blog to be totally honest. There’s something that I think every mother on the planet needs to hear! Stop comparing yourself to other women! I know, easier said than done right! Seeing all these moms who have their lives together; clean house, clean kids, and cheery attitude. JUST STOP! First of all, she’s probably thought the exact same thoughts about someone else, she probably doesn’t think she has it all together! So why are you sitting over here comparing yourself to her?

She’s not better than you, you aren’t better than her!

By this, I simply mean that no one is better than someone else. We as women are all dealing with our own things in our own lives so instead of comparing ourselves, why aren’t we helping each other? Instead of scowling at the lady with screaming kids in the grocery store, just give her an understanding nod. If you’re feeling particularly heroic you could even ask if she needs a hand! Just, DO NOT SCOWL!

Do you see where I’m going with this yet? Is it clear what I am trying to get across? If not, let me lay it all out for you in the simplest way possible, step by step!

Step 1: Stop thinking other women have a better life than you do. Focus on gratitude and change the things you’ve been putting off to make yourself feel like you’re closer to your own personal goals.

Step 2: Your good day doesn’t compare to their bad day. Just because your children aren’t currently wrestling in the produce aisle and you actually vacuumed the floor this week does not make you better than her! She’s having a rough day, just like you have rough days.

Step 3: Be there for other moms, or women in general. Don’t get so focused on who’s doing a “better” job that you are forgetting that you can be part of a better world! Yes, I know that’s incredibly corny but wouldn’t it be great if we as parents knew that we could have the support we needed from other women?

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What I Hope For The Future

My hope is that by the time my daughter is starting her family she won’t have to worry about feeling bad about herself and she won’t ever think about making others feel bad. In order for this to become a reality, I think that we all need to work together to create a loving community of all women. So here’s my challenge to you; stop comparing yourself to others and at the same time stop judging others based on what your life looks like. Your story is different than theirs so they don’t need to look the same.


Why Am I So Passionate About This Anyways?

For a long time, I have spent my life looking at other peoples lives and wondering what I was doing wrong. I would put myself down about everything from my house being messing to my kids having a fit in the store. Mainly I was thinking so poorly of myself because I was thinking everyone else had it all together. It’s very hard to live in a world where you think everyone is perfect except you! I’m not kidding about it being hard, it’s literally a constant battle!

It wasn’t until I finally found an amazing group of woman who were so open and honest about how messy their lives where that I started my journey of feeling better. Once I started to realize that it wasn’t only me who was imperfect I started to realize that my struggle and imperfections didn’t need to determine who I was. I’m not even kidding you when I say that I didn’t even want to try new things because I thought that I would just fail at it anyway, someone else was doing it better so why even try! Can you believe that I actually thought these thoughts, I was my biggest bully!

Even as I sit here writing this I can feel my heart lighten because I know that just by sharing this I am proving to myself that I am changing! Of course, I still have a hard day, especially on those days when I am out with my crying, whining, yelling children and a lady with perfectly dressed well-behaved children is just staring at me! Those are hard days, but then I remind myself that even though it doesn’t look like it right then, that lady staring at me like I’m the worst mother alive has her bad days too! She’s not perfect and I don’t need to feel bad about myself because I’m not perfect either!


What To Do One The Days When Everyone Looks Like They’re Living A Perfect Life And You’re Not

First of all, I would like to tell you again, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Secondly, I highly, highly recommend finding those people that you can turn to with your deepest thoughts and self-doubts. If you have people in your life that you can turn to and know that they will help you carry that burden while you need them it will change your life. Having support from other women breaks down the judgment, whether it’s from someone else or yourself!


If you’d like to read one of my other hot topic posts, click away: I Don’t Value Myself, Do You?


  1. What a great post! Thanks for sharing! My closest mom friend was the one who was open about how hard motherhood was instead of pretending it was all sunshine and rainbows. What an amazing gift she gave me! The same you are offering here!

    1. dusty_beatofourdrum

      Thank you for taking the time to read and comment! I truly appreciate it! I think that so many just want it to look like everything is fine that they don’t want to share the struggles and challenges but if we don’t share those things what are new moms going to think when they hit a road bump!

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